Common sense meets culture shock.

I bet you have heard of the product "Abilify." It is to "cure" bipolar disorder. Definition of bipolar: having two different ideas; having two completely different opinions, attitudes, or natures. Well, ABILIFY being a medicine, the cure to bipolar disorder should cure bipolar right? But guess what? It cures bipolar disorder but brings out another kind of sickness in you.

Side effects: Dizziness, lightheadedness, nausea, vomiting, tiredness, excess saliva/drooling, blurred vision, weight gain, drowsiness and constipation may occur.

Would you give up your indecisiveness for all those sickness listed above ?
Think about it, trouble in deciding what mood you wanna be in, in place of dizziness, lightheadedness, nausea, vomiting ... I even find typing the side effects a pain in my butt. Would you rather give up your real emotions to be always tired ? to be always constipated ? Between constipated and indecisiveness of what mood you should be in, which would it be ?
I would choose to be bipolar. && that's just me.



One more popular prescription: Yaz. If people were not that horny and needed [emphasis on NEED] to have sex with everyone and every second, then there would not be the need of creation of the birth control pills. Birth control pills commonly used by people that are not married. Why? you ask. Simply because people need sex like how they need water. Apparently and sadly, it is a fact even though it is merely based on my observation.

Side effects: Well, it has way too many for me to type it out. So here is the link: http://www.drugs.com/sfx/yaz-side-effects.html

So a person would rather have sex, take birth control pills to prevent pregnancy, and risk more sicknesses upon oneself, when the only prevention to pregnancy is abstinence. That statement right there makes no sense to me. Does it to you ?

Shine, The Morning of.

Id give up forever. To see the day, where the two of us both just walk away hand in hand. Never felt this way in my whole life. Never had this feeling before tonight. Cant get you off my mind, cause you shine oh you know you shine.

Bygone buried deep : 2009

JANUARY 2009 --]

Pondering on the thought that nightmare has just begun for me. The eighth month of torture in a new surrounding that might be my new home. Spent the New Year missing out on all the fun with my closest buddies back ex-home. This supposedly new home was not all that bad, other than the fact that this is not where I spent most of my life growing up. Despite all these silent torture, I know everything that happens has a reason; God has a purpose for my life. I pray && silently hope that the missing pieces would finally fit in the picture.



FEBRUARY 2009 --]

The month of love. I did celebrate Valentine's Day, with two people I do not really fancy much at all. Well, I finally realize they do not fit in my puzzle which I call FUTURE. [But of course it happened a few months after].



MARCH - AUGUST 2009 --]

Finishing my first school as tortured as life could be. Then, comes summer break which was not any better than the first summer I spent here in my new home, in spite that I had not make much new friends. Living like a bird pet, caged in singing the song of freedom. The happiest I have been since I moved here was getting a car; SWEET SWEET FREEDOM. My second year in Central High School actually started pretty awesome. Social life blossomed since the first football game. Dual enrollment in PHCC definitely helped water my social life. Life was finally not bitter and sour.

SEPTEMBER - DECEMBER 2009 --]

Mesmerized with the simple thought of being in love with DECA. These last few months, I dedicated it to DECA; preparing for competition which I placed second in the Principles of Finance event in Districts and placed fourth in the DECA Quiz Bowl event in States. The biggest opportunity was rained upon me when Mr. Ortiz offered me the Store Manager Position. Leaving the year 2009 with a purpose and finally feeling that I do belong somewhere, DECA. Thank you Mr. Ortiz and Mrs. Gordon for this extremely awesome experience in DECA. Thanks to Michelle Venezia for mentoring me, thanks to Wendy that always been best pal, thanks to Dyana Yusniza for having me as your soulmate. These were the few people that made 2009 a surviveable year for me. Not forgetting helping me becoming the President of CHS DECA. I will not disappoint you CHS DECA; this I promise you.

I am Falling to Pieces

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok

Here comes Goodbye..

Dear Jack,

the only way I could stay sane

and keep you close

is not be with you.

I should have never fall for you,

you should have never even led me to thinking you were.

you never were, never are, and never will be able to

even come close to my fragile heart.

because I've learned my lesson.

Love,

Jill

Jack, oh Jack

Dear Jack,

love me

and only me

never let me go.

this is how much i love you.

you have my heart but you are not careful with it at all.

you keep hurting it soon, there is no more left of me to hurt.

when will my heart ever be a sort of importance

to you, baby?

tell me now, please. if it is not now, please let it be never.

my heart can take no more pain from you.

there is only that much of me left.

Love,

-Jill-

Late night snack.

I think I'd like some watermelon

maybe, some honeydew

or, pork chop? or, maybe, fish && chips

transpiring cure only in a parallel world

revolution or not, suffers still soul

war or not, hurts still body

peace or not, rues still mind

friends or not, lonely speaks to all

I am a very little person, in a very big world.

I cannot go through this pain alone, not now, not ever.

RIP Andrew Chow - 10.14.09

Andrew Chow Kin Mun, my best friend. Passed away 10.14.09. He was murdered. May he rest in peace. Andrew has always been the friendly person to everyone. What I love about him was how he always stood up for me, and every other friend that was being bullied or treated unfairly. Friendship was always his priority. Andrew was the not best of man based on standards set by parents, but he was the best of friend. I Love You, Andrew Chow Kin Mun. You have been and still are dear to my heart, my friend. We will do you justice. May God be with you.

Days of Despair

dup, dup, the sounds of rain droplets

another day of gloom

wonder if I ever see sunshine again

in this place, or maybe even in this pigeon's life

rain sometimes brings wonder

too much, comes way of routine

making most of it - watching

or life is just a predictable event?

with an ominous end?

-Nicole Tan-

Issues

What is the relevant proof that proves making up the bed equals to being a tidy person? Why would you make up the bed and mess it up later in about 12 hours? A smart person would just leave it the way it is. A lazy person = smart. A person that plays by the rules = too hardworking.

p/: Kids, please do not do this at home. It is not worth risking. You WILL get grounded.

Chain Letters

"Now you open this, your mom will die in 4 hours; if you do not want that, forward this sh*t". Does this look familiar? These are chain letters. To me, they look more like blackmailing to me. They are threatening to kill my mom. I can call the cops on them.

Have you ever had chain letters or whatever letters they are called. They usually come in forms of emails, or bulletin posts, or even text messages. It is very annoying to receive these in any of its form.

How do you respond to these chain letters? Maybe just delete it and then, feel guilty about it because you think it might be true if you do not forward the letter, your mom will die. It is all bull. Have you ever read about this in your science textbook? Where it has a section all by itself explaining how threatening words will perform the action by itself like voodoo ????

Are you kidding me? I thought of blogging about this, just so people would stop sending those chain letters to me.

While I was scrolling through Myspace bulletin board, I read this title "Oh crap, Im pregnant". Of course I am curious knowing whose is it. My respond to that was : ....

"WTF ?? ARE YOU CURSING MY MOM????????

Then, I finally realise, it was a scam for me to forward it.

New York : First Impression

I LOVE NEW YORK!!!!! THAT WAS MY FIRST IMPRESSION !!!!! New York is awesome. Seriously, it is so much better than Spring Hill. New York is no different than Kuala Lumpur, my dear Malaysian friends. We, Malaysians should be proud of ourselves, that we are not far behind economically, fashion, or anything at all. Overall, Malaysia is so better than Florida. No offense to the Floridians. Maybe, Florida is suitable ONLY retired people, or fun ONLY during spring && summer break. New York is the first place I've been to since I came to the USA a year ago. I was there for only 4 days. Even though it was 4 days, I had great amount of fun.



This is because I got to eat all Malaysian food. They taste the same!! No shit!! They taste the same!! I felt like being in stadium [Canning Garden, Malaysia], eating pork mee. LOL! They even have dim sum. But of course, all of the wonderful && delicious Malaysian cuisine was found in Chinatown near Lil Italy && Flushing Street. Not one day I had anything but Asian cuisine. New York is food paradise. When I was in the cab on the way to the sub station, I saw the word "ROTI" on the signs of the restaurants. I was bewildered. My jaw literally dropped down, && drooled. It was heaven, prayers answered. I am not exaggerating. Me, living in Spring Hill for so long without my beloved Malaysian cuisine almost killed me. New York is my saving grace.

Enough about food. Food was the first reason of this vacation. The second reason of this vacation was SHOPPING !! My two favorite things in the world: EAT && SHOP !! It was only a few days in NY, but my mom && I spent a few thousand dollars. We bought of a lot of stuff. The most expensive thing we bought, was the Prada purse. Mommy did not buy much. I did all the shopping, I bought a lot of new clothes, new pairs of shoes, purses, && HAPPINESS!! We were in Manhattan, 34th Street, 52nd Street.

That is about my trip to NY. Eating && Shopping Paradise. No doubt that people should do that more often. It so relieves the soul. Trust me, I am experienced. LOL !! New York is my second loved place to be, after the first loved place, MALAYSIA. You should go try New York out, you will love it.

-nyt-

Sick Day

as you read my title, it says "Sick Day", it ain't the FLU!!!!! i had people commenting me on that on http://www.facebook.com/yandohwy. it is just women's sickness. it was HELL !! I am feeling better now. usually sick people stay in bed, wait for their meals come to them. guess what I did?? and no, I was not on bed laying, I was actually doing assignments. wow! I know right. what?? actually, i dont know. i was just saying that to look like a psychic, did it work? LOL.

I would actually like to be in bed laying down watching senseless dramas that people use a lot of money for to produce. anyways, this is how a typical sick day is for NICOLE. I AM NORMAL ! i might be losing too much blood to be thinking sanely and became hardworking. I promise you I AM NORMAL !! don't worry, I am lazy too like you. =)

Signing off,
-Nicole Tan-

Random Thoughts at Random Times of Random Things

Can you believe that ....
I had this random thought of me love to poop..I thought of making it a hobby..like when I have free time, I would just go poop..LOL!!..guess when I had that thought?..when I was pooping!!..that was back in Malaysia..I always think about random stuff when I poop..me wanting to make it a hobby, I think it was because of that relieve feeling I had after pooping..LOL!!..I just remembered this random thought when I was pooping today..LOL!!..I was bored, so I started thinking..this is I what I had the whole I was pooping..you should try this at home, it feels so good..

-nyt-

Time

Time,
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock,
the soothing rhythm of silence,
Constant,
reliable, feeding on its source of energy
bit by bit, none more, or less,
Always on a role, nature believes it

Now?
Is just now,
Just now, long ago,
seconds, minutes, hours
Doubtful existence, nature believes it

Faster, slower
Matter of perception, nature believes it
Coming, going
Exist? Existing? Existed? nature believes it

-NICOLE TAN-

Burning myself Alive.

22nd November 2008

Green, violet, blue, pink, indigo, yellow, orange
The colors of rainbow, colors of life
Warm, vibrant colors describing life
Life described warm, vibrant
Life none rejects, life all wished
What is the color of death?

None wished, none dreamt of
All comes to it, gruesome end
End of all truth, end of all foes
Depressing, yet one truth to all

A millions of death; only a statistic

22nd November 2008

Day of trying, tried in courts of injustice
Day of wanting, wanted for bounties
Day of trying and wanting, tried and wanted no more bothers
Trite is the new meaning of life
Carved onto hearts of despair
Graveyards become home, homes become graveyard utopia

Speaks of heart, blood be cliche
Blood of cliche, becomes stranger; own no more
Point of no past, present ....Future of a devil

Random Stars.

things when you could do when you're bored .

1) eat mustard with chocolate
2) try mustard with peanut butter
3) make random surveys
4) blog random shit
5) have movie marathon
6) try new recipes
7) walk a mile
8) dress up like a westerner from the 1500s and video yourself trying to strip it off
9) do pre-calculus
10) write a story about your pathetic life
11) lay around like a lazee bum and stare at the ceiling till you feel sick
12) watch a very sad movie ad cry for hours
13) talk to your ex-bf and trash his new gf
14) go sailing
15) bath your dog, if you don't have one, bath your neighbour's
16) prank call
17) blog about your dumbfuck bf/gf
18) have a fantasy
19) massage yourself
20) make a lame video of the house
21) roll around of pile money
22) build some muscles
23) and i'm running out of ideas.

anyway,have fun with your pathetic life. =]

Another day in a place where I call School.

it feels like forever since i updated my blog .
it has been two months now since i started school .
school is awesome overall .
it is what you see on television but this is reality for me .
mean girls, gangsta and nerds and stuff .
classes are alright, not too bad .
my classes are spanish I, hope [mendatory p.e class], accountings II, english pre-ap, world history pre-ap, chemistry honors, pre-calculus honors .
to be honest, i am quite proud with myself .
i am in 10th grade and i am in mostly seniors and juniors classes .
this actually proves how smart we, asians are . =]

anyway, i made lots of new friends .
not all friendly though .
i find most of the people here boring, i really do wonder sometimes what they do at home with all these time .
is not like they ever do their homework or study or go to the mall because the best mall is like miles away .which sucks .
a person like me gets stuck at home all the time .
my entertainment is hanging with friends, football games .
football games are actually cool, you see boys banging into each other so they could not get the ball .
shallow but interesting enough to keep me from dying of boredom .

if you were wondering about the guys, yes, they are cute but not all of them .
is like everybody has someone already .
everybody is taken .
so not many people did ask me out .
whatever ! lol
people refer me as the 'crazee asian girl' or the 'cute asian girl' or the 'girl with a cute crazee accent' .
wow, jeez, that made me feel superior .totally not .

my teachers are all so friendly except my accountings teacher .
she is a bitch !
a big one .
she never teaches !!
and she expects us to know everything but at the same time does not want us to be smart .
she hates smart people, she anti-me !!
because i do my work fast and accurate .
it frusts her when she cannot find any error in my work which make me want to say 'IN YOUR FACE,BITCH !'
but i never had the guts to say it because i got to see her face for like god knows how long more .

the work i get from these classes are like a mother got to clean 5houses .
24hours ain't enough for me .
but i love drowning myself in work .
is fun .
the teachers here grade everything, from homework-test .
which means no copying, no late-work .

plus point to me, is that i can wear anything i want to school !!
sometimes, i would just go to school in a huge t-shirt, shorts and flip flops .
i just get lazee at times to dress up .
is just school, is not a pageant or anything like that .

i just this is a summary of my school life so far .
have fun being jealous .i love being a meany . =]

The Sweet && Sour

3rd may 2008

today is a day of great joy and great despair ...

today is the mark or shall i say proof of me being a year older and wiser ...today is also the mark of where i have to leave everything behind me and start anew ...

this is because today is the day when i celebrated my 'sweet sixteen' birthday and my farewell ...

for some people it is an opportunity ...for some people is the end of what they had dreamt and hoped for ...is a great change either way ...

anyways,screw the emo-ness ...and let me tell u blog readers what happen on this beautiful day ...

*it supposed to start at 6pm ...

*but few had yet to arrive on time ...

*my friends who thought they were some sort of 'v.i.p' came two hours later and some even later ...

*actually most of the people invited came ...but to those who couldn't make it-your loss ...

*oh,ya !!!if my family wouldn't have been there,i can guarantee 100% that there wolud be a girl fight ...lol ...here it's the reason why ...

[sabrina suddenly text me one day before the party and asked whether the party was that night,and so i said no. and yes i did invite her. it was as if she want to come so badly. and it would have been rude if i didn't since she ask. today she came and brought proscilla along. obviously i have to invite priscilla too. we,chinese are like this. we do things we don't like to not hurt anyone's feelings. but my decision of inviting sabrina was terribly wrong !! everyone ran up to me and ask why she was there. what was i suppose to answer? i told them what happen and theier reaction was like whoa ...!!! you don't even wanna know .since my family was there,yusniza aka my precious sister,went up to sabrina and just asked her to leave. yup,that's my brave sister. sabrina was like 'where is your house?so,why don't you go home?!'. sabrina even asked some of my lovely guest to go to her house which is so obvious that is boorish !! she was like debating in my living room. i guessed she like talking to sofas,because i can tell you that no one ws paying attention to her. so,she stayed on and acted like a bloody hypocrite. as if she even like me a bit. why bother coming to my house?! right,my fellow blog readers? at the end she went home,which is a great relieved because yusniza couldn't hold her anger any longer ...]

*enough for the ugly part ...i was glad that noel came ...and he even wished me ...

*after everyone went back ...i went out with yusniza,leonard,shari,yian fong and her boyfriend to stadium carpark ...we drank ...we fagged ...the couples had their loving moments ...lol ...

*suddenly,a police car came our way ...they freaked ...i was calm ...i sort of like pretending to be a foreigner ...spoke in english to the officers ...the officer asked leonard what i'm saying everytime i spoke ...leonard was happily transalating hoping to get the officer's likeness ...the funnier part was one of the officer was flirting with yusniza ...lol ...not lol ut roflmao ...!!!

*pheww ...thank God ...they let us go ...

*we went back to my place ...and lepaked ...me and yusniza were like dead high on air ...both fell asleep ...

..... that's the end of today ....sweet dreams and thanks for reading ...

p/s-the presents were lots and were great ...i love all of them ...thank you,guys !!